Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
by SPNxBookworm
Summary: "I screwed up big time over all these years, man. I just hope I didn't screw this up too. I just hope I don't let you down…again. Merry Christmas, bro." Set somewhere in season 10. Brotherly moments and fluff.


**A/N: Hi everyone! **

**I do not celebrate Christmas but I love the feel of it. The joy and happiness surrounding it. A time where family gets together. And gosh, I absolutely love Christmas trees. So, thinking about all this got me thinking of the boys having a good Christmas. They've been through so much lately. **

**So here is a (kind of) fluffy Christmas fic. **

**SPOILERS: For season 8 finale and upto season 10 episode 3 - Soul Survivor**

**This fic is also dedicated to an awesome writer and friend of mine - remy-areyousrs. I promised her some fluff and well, here it is! Y'all should go check out her fics. They're amazing**

**A big thank you to Chronic Potterphile for being my stone number one and kind of occupying the position of an honourary big sister. I am so grateful to have you in my life, hon! **

**This fic was written in the span of about two hours and is unbeta'd so any and all errors are mine. **

**Enjoy! **

_*Follow me as 'Spnxbookworm' on Facebook for fic updates or just to chat! :) _

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><p>Gasping, Dean jerked awake, drenched in sweat. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to let go of the nightmare. Even though he was not a demon anymore, he still remembered everything that had happened. And the Mark still being branded onto his arm didn't help either. He knew he was lying to Sam about being in control of his unprecedented rage that accompanied the Mark. But he couldn't let Sam know. He just couldn't. Dean was just scared. Scared that he'd hurt Sam even more.<p>

He knew he'd hurt Sam in more ways than one when he was a demon. He couldn't afford to do that again, not with how unstable he felt.

As he felt himself calm down, Dean decided he'd slept enough. He glanced at the clock and sighed.

_4:32 am_

Hopefully Sam wouldn't notice the growing bags under his eyes. Dean yawned as he stepped out of his bed and walked into the bathroom to freshen up.

In about twenty minutes, he walked out feeling slightly better than he had before.

Thinking about making himself and Sam some breakfast, Dean went to exit the room when his eyes fell on a small sticky note stuck to his door. Frowning, he peeled it off and read it.

_Hey. _

"What the hell?" Dean muttered to himself. He knew the loopy scrawl anywhere. He'd lived with the guy all his life. But what in the world was Sam trying to do?

He exited his room, wanting to look for his brother when a note on the outside of his door caught his gaze. Curious, he took it in his hands.

_Merry Christmas, bro. Your presents are under the tree in our main hall. _

Tree? When did they get a tree?

Feeling equally amused and annoyed Dean started making his way towards the main hall of the bunker. He remembered doing small things like this for Sam when they were kids. He'd just wanted Sam to have a better childhood than he did. And sometimes one had to be creative.

Only, Dean had never imagined Sam doing something like this too.

Dean's jaw dropped as he reached his destination and spotted the seven foot tall Christmas tree, sparkling with all the lights and tinsel wound around it, beside the fireplace that was alight, creating a warm, cozy glow.

Fascinated, Dean neared the tree and chuckled as he spotted a few ornaments they'd kept with them. A small red coloured bauble with his and Sam's initials carved into it, hung on one of the middle branches. It had been one of the first ornaments they'd had as kids. Dean had stolen the bauble from a store when he'd been out with his Dad shopping for supplies. Sam and Dean together had managed to scrounge up a small tree they could place in a corner of the room. Along with bits of metal from empty cans as decorations, Dean had proudly hung up the bauble to substitute for the star at the top of the tree after sitting for thirty minutes carving something into it. The smile that had lit up Sam's face was something Dean had always treasured.

A plastic train engine with a string wound around it swung on one of the lower branches. Dean smiled as he knelt down to take a closer look. Sam had loved trains. And on one birthday, Dean happened to have a little cash left after buying their dinner. He decided to skip his meal for the next day and entered the toy shop to get the engine for his brother. The hug that he'd gotten from Sam had been worth it.

As he stood up, Dean laughed openly as he spotted the toy Impala in place of the star on the top of the tree. Dean remembered being very sick on one of his birthdays. Sam had felt guilty that he hadn't been able to do anything for Dean. Once Dean had fallen asleep, Sam knew he had to do something. And he'd remembered Dean's look of longing as they'd passed a toy store on their way back from the diner with their father before he'd left for a hunt. Knowing what he had to do, Sam had snuck out with the money he'd managed to earn by helping out at the local library and had went and gotten Dean a present. The laugh and 'thank you, Sammy' had meant the world to him.

Dean sighed as he sat down next to the tree, eyeing three wrapped presents with curiousity and a little bit of guilt. He hadn't gotten anything for Sam. He hadn't even realized it was Christmas.

Making a resolution to make it up to the kid, Dean took the nearest parcel in hand. Wrapped in sparkling green wrapping, it was thin and Dean was pretty sure there was a book of some sort in it. On the back of the present, a small envelope was stuck. Dean carefully opened it up and pulled the note out.

_Thought this would bring back memories. The last, proper Christmas we'd had was the one before you went to hell. Yeah, it hurt but I remember looking back to that day when I missed you. _

Dean cleared his throat against the sudden emotion and quickly unwrapped his present. He grinned as he pulled out a copy of what seemed to be the latest edition of Busty Asian Beauties. "Oh, Sammy," he muttered, amused.

He carefully set it to the side along with the note and picked up the next parcel, also wrapped in green. It was a small rectangular parcel with the same scheme of having a note attached to it. Dean took out the note from its pocket.

_I've seen you keep one identical to Dad's. And I've also seen that it's kind of roughed up and torn. Thought you'd like having a new one. _

Dean unwrapped it and couldn't believe his eyes. There, on his lap, sat a dark brown leather journal. Still, amazed at how Sam managed to do this, Dean opened it and couldn't help the smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth. On the inside towards the bottom corner, Dean's initials were engraved into the leather.

"Thank you, Sammy," Dean said quietly.

He set his journal aside and picked up his last present. A small box wrapped, once again, in green and tied with a red ribbon. Next to it sat a letter-sized envelope with 'Dean' written in the center.

Opening the envelope, Dean pulled out the paper inside and unfolded.

_Hey, Dean. _

_I know it's been a while since we've had a proper Christmas. Hell, this is probably the first proper Christmas we'll have. But I wanted to do something. I needed to do this without letting you know about it because I needed you to know that you're not the only one who cares. _

_Christmas is also a time when family comes together. How are we a family if we keep hiding things from one another? How are we a family if we don't trust each other? _

_I want us to be brothers again. So, here goes nothing. _

_First, I'm sorry, Dean. I know I've let you down. I hope you can forgive me for all the shit that I'd caused because I had my head up my ass and didn't listen to you. _

_If Cas hadn't turned up when you were a demon and helped me cure you, I probably would have let you down then too. _

_Second, I know this is cheesy and I know you're gonna tease me for being a girl but if it makes you see how much I look up to you and want you to understand that people care about you, then it's worth it. _

_Third, I can't be there with you right now because I know I'm not going to be able to face you if you do not accept this particular gift. _

_I screwed up big time over all these years, man. _

_I just hope I didn't screw this up too. _

_I just hope I don't let you down…again. _

_Merry Christmas, bro. _

Dean blinked away the tears that blurred his vision. How could Sam ever let him down? Guilt fell like a ton of bricks on him as he realized how much Sam still held to himself, how much he still thought of past events, the burdens he was bearing.

"Fuck," Dean muttered as he ran a hand through his hair. Had he been that crappy of a brother to him? That all Sam saw in himself was the fact that he'd let his brother down?

Dean hadn't exactly been a role model. The words Sam had echoed about a year ago at the church seemed to reverberate around him.

_So? _

_You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I'd let you down. I can't do that again. _

_Who are you gonna turn to next time, instead of me? Another angel, another vampire? _

"Shit, Sammy," Dean whispered as a single tear ran down his face.

Suddenly wary, Dean slowly opened up the small box in his hands and felt his heart speed up. He lifted the black cord out of the box and stared, dumbfounded at the golden pendent dangling from it.

The amulet.

Did Sam pick it out of the trash all those years ago?

Dean remembered absently reaching for it for quite a few days after he'd thrown it out. He'd regretted it. But they'd never had the time to go back to that motel.

Dean took in a shaky breath as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. He thought of Sam picking it out of the trash. How his brother would probably have carried it around with him.

He then realized what the amulet meant to his brother.

It had felt like their bond had broken the moment that Dean had thrown it away. This amulet was what signified their relationship to Sam. And like an idiot, Dean had thrown it away without a second glance.

Dean didn't realize there had been something missing, like a hole in his chest until he put the amulet back on. He felt more like himself again. He didn't know how much he'd missed the familiar weight against his chest until now.

Knowing he had to make it up to his brother, Dean decided to make this Christmas special for the both of them.

**XXX**

Sam shivered slightly as he entered the bunker an hour later. He decided that an hour must have been enough for his brother. He'd heard his brother bustling about in his room and had left, hoping to everything he believed in that Dean would accept and like his little surprise.

It was the least he could do.

What Sam had not expected was a loud bang right next to his ear and being covered in small strips of crepe paper and bits of tinsel.

"Merry Christmas, Sammy!" Dean yelled.

Sam let his heart slow down as he looked at his brother who was beaming and holding the remains of a party popper in his hand.

Sam chuckled. "Merry Christmas, Dean."

Sam tried not feeling let down as he didn't spot Dean wearing the amulet. But Dean seemed happy and Sam decided that's all that mattered to him. He followed Dean towards the main hall and stood in surprise when he spotted two, fully wrapped presents under the tree.

"What - ?" Sam stammered, flabbergasted.

"What?" Dean asked, sounding mock offended. "You didn't think I'd get you anything?"

Sam smiled as he sat down near the tree.

Dean handed him his first present, wrapped in newspaper. "Sorry," he said. "Didn't have time to go shopping for wrapping paper. And, um, this was supposed to be a birthday gift last year but…yeah. I guess we never got around to celebrating birthdays."

Sam gave a small smile and waved it off, indicating it didn't matter. He swiftly opened it up and gaped at the box in front of him.

It was a new laptop. Sam's old one was practically dying but he'd been managing with it.

"Dude, how did you afford this?" Sam asked, amazed.

Dean shrugged. "Fake credit card scams, Sammy."

Sam laughed as he carefully set the box aside, excited at the prospect of using his new gadget.

Dean then handed him a small box. Sam immediately recognized it as the box he'd packed the amulet in. He frowned at Dean who just nodded.

As sorrow engulfed him, thinking that Dean was probably returning it back to him, he tried not to let it show as he pulled off the ribbon and opened the box.

The sorrow turned to confusion as he looked inside it. There was nothing there.

He then looked to his brother and felt his breath hitch. Dean put on the amulet and smiled at him. A full genuine smile.

Sam couldn't help the tears that sprung to his eyes. He hastily wiped at them to clear his vision.

"I know this is not much, but, Sammy. I-I'm sorry. I've been a shitty brother. I didn't know how fucked up you felt. I said things to you that I can't take back. But if you're up to it, I'd like to be brothers again," Dean said, staring at the ground and playing with a bit of torn newspaper.

"No more secrets?" Sam asked as he cleared his throat.

"No more secrets," Dean promised.

"I'd like that," Sam nodded.

Dean nodded as well. "Okay then, how about we drink some egg nog that's **not** laced with a whole bottle of rum and watch some Game of Thrones before we start growing lady bits, huh, Sam?"

Sam snorted as he got to his feet along with Dean.

As he followed his brother into the kitchen, Sam couldn't help but feel that things were better already.

Sure, Dean still had the Mark. Sure, heaven was still on lockdown. And sure, there was still a long way to go.

But he was willing to try. He was willing to see a light at the end of the tunnel again.

He had his brother back, after all. And he knew it was him and Dean against the world.

**END**

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><p><strong>Reviews are love!<strong>

**ANNOUNCEMENT: The Team Free Will Big Bang I co-wrote with Chronic Potterphile is now up on her page! Go check it out! It is titled 'Just Walk Beside Me'. We worked super hard on it. **

**Here are the details: **

**Fic Title:** Just Walk Beside Me

**Authors:** Chronic Potterphile, SPNxBookworm

**Artist**: minarosette

**Genre:** Brotherly fluff, slash (Destiel), hurt/comfort, family, angst, mystery

**Pairings:** Dean/Castiel, background pairings

**Characters:** Sam, Dean, Castiel, original character, other characters

**Rating:** R

**Word Count:** ~63000

**Spoilers:** Up to 9.14 – Captives and AU after that.

**Warnings:** Strong profanity, sexual situations(non-explicit), AU after 9.14, temporary character death

**Trigger Warnings:** past non-con, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, mentions of gore and infanticide, PTSD/RTS

**Summary**: Dean is really able to handle all those nightmares and memories from the time when Abbadon possessed him without falling apart, thank you very much. He's coping very well. What he doesn't get is why Sam and Cas are lying to him about the time when they were trying to rescue him.

When a startlingly familiar face knocks on their door with an odd case, Sam, Dean and Castiel scramble to join in and help, and the events lead to too many revelations. Neither of the three of them might be coping at all. Add to this Sam's odd timing for a migraine from hell, a creepy shaman, another familiar face, and a weird note in ancient Chinese, and they might just be all set for a second nightmare in a really short span of time.

**Do go check out the fic on Chronic Potterphile's page! It would mean the world to us! Thanks for the support everyone! **


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